All of my life I had to fight. For me it was literal. When my mother was 7 months pregnant, she died from being beaten by her boyfriend. The devil tried to take me out, but the Lord was not going to let me die. Despite losing 2 minutes of oxygen, I survived.
My mother’s great aunt took me and raised me as her own. All through school, I was bullied – pushed, accused, abused, knocked down, but I got back up. And I kept getting back up.
When my great aunt died, that’s when I sank…
Goodbye hope. Hello despair.
The devil tried to get me to commit suicide 7 times at this point (pills, fire, mental depression). He badly wanted me to never see the promise in my life. I continued to spiral down.
When I found out I was adopted, I couldn’t claim the name that I had lived with my whole life for a full year. None of my legal documents were in order, and there was another name (not mine) on my birth certificate. I felt raped of my identity because I didn’t have a secure understanding of who I even was.
My security in being a woman was also challenged when I ended up in a wrong relationship with a man who wasn’t sure whether he wanted to be with me — or with another man. I went to clubs with him and drank. I was like a chameleon, adjusting to whatever anyone wanted me to be.
I had no clue who I was. I was LOST so badly that when people asked me my opinion, I didn’t have one. I lost ME.
My security was in things and in people and I had no thoughts of my own because I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t realize the people I surrounded myself with only wanted what they could get from me. I was blinded from all of it… until I met Him.
My aunt taught me the Lord’s Prayer when I was 5 or 6. I rarely saw her pray on her own. I can remember going to church as a child, but only a handful of times. Yet God was calling me. I wasn’t ready to obey. I would pick up my Bible now and then and try to read it, but couldn’t.
The defining moment was when I found myself stripped of everything. I had no job, no money, no friends, and I was doing NOTHING everyday but sleeping and messing around on social media. I wanted to set the house on fire and walk away and never return. I wanted to take a bunch of pills and end my LIFE.
Someone was waiting.
Then finally, I called out to God. I PRAYED for help, and felt the weight come off me. I got up that day and said, “I’m done.” I knew I was to stop: stop looking, stop chasing after what everyone else wanted, stop and figure out who I was.
I knew I could only do that with God. I was done doing it my way. It was time to do it His way. I gave it all to Him, and that was when He started to do it for me. I realized then, that He had been waiting for me to call on Him.
Goodbye despair. Hello Hope.
When I gave my life completely to God, my life changed. I began to read the Word, and though I didn’t know what I was doing, I just did it. I started to follow people online who taught about business.
I began praying to God:
• Asking Him for what I needed
• Seeking Him for a series of things
• Knocking on the door of wisdom
I made a list of what I thought would make me happy — how I felt my life was supposed to be. Then God started to work in me. He led me to people who encouraged me to write and release all the pain and suffering I had carried for years. A therapist I was seeing at the time helped me walk through everything I wrote out.
The change began as I began to change.
I started going to church. I also began separating myself from people and going instead to spend time with GOD, and letting Him talk to me. I learned how to hear God and to understand what my inner voice sounded like as the Holy Spirit started to work on me.
That was when I did my first 40-day fast. When I came out of that experience, I gave every thought, idea, and perspective of my life to God, and I grew. I gave my career dreams to Him.
When I submitted everything to Him, I began to understand what He had for my life. He took the list I had written at the beginning of my journey, and began to build on that. As I obeyed Him, everything came into order. Every gift, every talent, and every desire.
God gave me a business and a career, everything I had asked for on that list. He also gave me knowledge that the next relationship will be filled with kingdom purpose to bring about what GOD wants to do through me in the coming years.
I gave my life to God instead of ending it. Even though my life isn’t perfect, God is still working and I can see Him in myself and the people He has put around me. The thoughts, ideas, joys, and even the sorrows — He is in it all.
As I stand, I see no end; only a beginning. I am only starting out, and with His help, have created a business around how I was delivered from all that has happened to me. I use every talent, every skill, and everything I went through to help people. I lead them out of the dark places, and into the light of their God-given purpose.
I encourage everyone to come to Jesus and see how He can and will truly CHANGE your Life.
Testimony by T.C.Share